Recently, I received an email from my childhood friend, Mainul Khan, raising some thought-provoking questions about our attitude toward death. He wrote:

“All our lives, we seem to run from the idea of death—our own death, not that of others. But why? Some argue that we fear the end of our existence. Others believe existence itself is an illusion, so it shouldn’t matter. Yet, even those who believe in an afterlife tend to avoid thinking about death. Why is that? I see a few possibilities:

1. Death may be painful.
2. The afterlife might not be as pleasant as life here.
3. Leaving loved ones and the familiar is stressful.
4. There’s no guarantee of an afterlife—death might be the end.
5. Facing God might be unsettling.

The last reason, though not obvious, feels the strongest to me. But why would anyone fear meeting an all-loving, all-forgiving God? Perhaps it’s because:

1. They are living immorally and aren’t ready to change.
2. They fear being insignificant before a supreme being.

Even those who live morally might wonder if they are placing too much value on their own worth.”

Mainul’s thoughts resonated with me. When I first explored death and the process of adjustment in 2004, I faced similar questions. The death of my elder son, Seeyam, gave me a personal lens to examine grief. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s stages of grief aligned closely with my own experience, making me an admirer of her work. Unfortunately, I never got the chance to discuss my interpretations with her before she passed away. Still, my focus shifted toward how society, rather than individuals, adjusts its attitude toward death. The work of historian Philippe Ariès was instrumental in this exploration.

Ariès highlighted how attitudes toward death have changed over time. In the early centuries, death was seen as a peaceful transition to an afterlife. The idea of suffering after death was almost nonexistent. However, as religious beliefs evolved, the possibility of judgment and punishment after death became more prominent. This made death a deeply personal concern—no longer just an event affecting others but an inevitable reality for oneself. As morality and pleasure began to conflict, fear of judgment grew. Eventually, with the rise of materialism and the separation of religious and social values, the afterlife became less central to people’s thoughts. Yet, the uncertainty surrounding death never disappeared; instead, it was pushed out of conscious awareness.

Why do people lose confidence in the afterlife? History and our daily experiences suggest that the fear of judgment plays a significant role. In a world driven by materialism, the idea of judgment after death is uncomfortable—especially when moral values are overlooked in favor of personal gain. While the afterlife could be seen as a source of reward for a virtuous life, modern society prioritizes unrestrained pleasure, distancing itself from moral considerations. This shift isn’t always deliberate; psychological defense mechanisms help people avoid thinking about the consequences of their choices. But chasing pleasure without moral grounding ultimately leads to dissatisfaction, leaving us in an endless cycle of material pursuit without true fulfillment.

Interestingly, Kübler-Ross’s stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—mirror the historical changes in societal attitudes toward death, but in reverse order. While individuals work through these stages to come to terms with mortality, society seems to be moving away from acceptance, drifting further into denial. This suggests that unless we reconsider our collective approach to death and morality, our personal efforts to find peace with it may remain incomplete.

Understanding our fear of death requires more than just personal reflection—it calls for a broader examination of how societal beliefs shape our thinking. Perhaps the key to truly accepting death lies in re-evaluating not just our individual fears but the larger forces that influence them.