In every continuously developing society, the death rate is expected to decrease—a clear sign of progress. Likewise, rising life expectancy is another anticipated outcome. As medical advancements progress, people survive longer with the same illnesses that once led to early deaths. These are undoubtedly positive developments.

But do we ever stop to consider whether our ability to adjust to death has improved in proportion to our ability to prolong life?

What is Death Adjustment?

Before going any further, let’s define “death adjustment.” I use this term to describe how we accept death as a natural part of life. Death is, and always will be, difficult for the living. However, excessive defence against the reality of death can compromise the quality of life, making it more impractical. A healthy acceptance of death is crucial for truly healthy living.

A Tale of Two Societies

In the country where I spent the first 40 years of my life, those fortunate enough to outlive their parents often witness them die slowly, often at home. With limited access to rest homes or hospices, families and communities experience death firsthand. The dying are surrounded by loved ones, and society collectively rehearses death by observing it up close.

In contrast, in my current country—one that is far more privileged and developed—people receive excellent medical care that extends their lives, even in the face of terminal illness. The terminally ill can often live relatively normal lives without revealing their condition. When they do reach a critical stage, they are transferred to specialized facilities where they receive professional care until the end. Once they pass away, apart from their immediate family, their death is acknowledged as sad news—just one less person in society.

This structured management of death undoubtedly reduces the burden on the living. However, it also creates an illusion that death is something distant—something that does not concern us until it arrives at our doorstep.

The Isolation of Death

Yet, when an individual finally faces death, they must come to terms with a reality they have never prepared for. Until that moment, we live in a world of dreams where death is carefully kept out of sight.

I am not suggesting that we should return to a past where people died brutally or in public view. However, the way we have isolated death from everyday life reveals just how maladjusted we are to our inevitable future.

We began our pursuit of progress by extending life. Then, we mastered the art of living painlessly. Finally, we decided that the dying should die alone. While extending life and reducing suffering are commendable achievements, isolating the dying is a significant step backward in the quality of human experience.

In an improved system of dying, people do not literally die alone. However, they often pass away in facilities removed from the everyday rhythms of life and society. This is not just a loss for the dying—it is a loss for the living.

Why Do the Living Need the Dying?

One might ask: Why do we need to be with the dying? The answer is simple. Being with the dying is the only way we can prepare for our own future—without having to face death ourselves just yet.

Although it may seem paradoxical, both the dying and the living benefit from breaking the silence around death. If we stop treating death as a taboo, it will not only make dying easier for those facing it—it will also allow the living to truly understand and embrace the full cycle of life.