We often don’t think about death as it truly is. We live as if “we will die someday and we do not know when” is an impossible concept. We chase success and fame, and when we fail, we grieve as if that misery will last forever. But nothing on earth lasts forever—not even our misery. And we don’t live here eternally. History proves that. So, why do we respond to life’s struggles as if we’ll be here forever?

While working on my Death and Adjustment Hypotheses and writing my book Human Immortality, I explored how different civilizations have approached death. I found something interesting that I’ll explain here without the technical details.

Many of us are familiar with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. When someone close to us dies, we often deny the reality of death at first. Once we start to grasp the truth, anger follows. After that, we bargain—wondering what could have or should have happened. Then, depression sets in. Finally, we accept death as a natural part of life.

While reading Philippe Ariès’s dissection of Western civilization’s history, I noticed something curious: society’s attitude toward death followed a reverse pattern of these grief stages. While individuals move toward acceptance, societies have gradually moved away from it.

From the Middle Ages to the 19th century, society’s attitude toward death shifted from acceptance to depression, then bargaining, anger, denial, and eventually, dissociation by the 20th century. This dissociation means society has increasingly pushed the thought of death out of everyday life.

But this pattern didn’t start in the Middle Ages. Throughout history, societies have repeatedly moved away from a healthy acceptance of death. Whenever a strong reminder of death’s natural place occurred, acceptance returned. But over time, as that reminder faded, society slipped back through the stages.

My Death and Adjustment Hypotheses explores additional reasons why societies drift from acceptance, but I won’t go into those details here.

It’s important to note that neither my work nor Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s suggests acceptance of death is joyful. Instead, acceptance is the healthiest response, allowing us to live fully with the awareness of death.